Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Monday, 30 January 2012

My Facebook Nightmare:

    I was looking at Jane’s  status update. She often posts photos of animals. I once shared a photo of a squirrel that went over well, I think. This time she posted a photo of George, my golden retriever.
    I wrote as a comment, "just wondering Jane, how did you get this photo of George?"
I clicked on the photo and I was instantly in my backyard at nighttime patting George on the head. There was a party inside the house but George and I were in the back alone. Karin and the kids were at my in-laws’ place in Ontario.
A photo of George licking my face was up on the screen and a new 'like' was coming in every second.
    George and I were happily wrestling with each other, falling to the ground laughing  (the YouTube clip went viral)  when I saw a mean dog staring through the fence.
I came out with a really cool image of the dog with a bloody bone in his mouth and leaning over a hole with a bloody human skeleton in it.
I posted it but nobody liked it.
    I clicked on the image and it showed a clip of the dog running to our house. The image stopped with a daytime still of our backyard. There was a screaming sound.
This was on my wall. Someone commented, "George is in the basement."
I clicked on the image and I was in our backyard. George wasn't to be seen. I still heard the screaming. 
    I grabbed a machete out of the garden supply box and walked into the house. The sunlight made a high contrast effect on the slaughtered bodies. Nobody was 'liking' it but the comments wouldn't stop. The bodies[whose bodies? Not sure which bodies…] were all cut up as if the mean dog used a knife... a machete!
    I looked at the machete in my hand. It was dripping with blood. I thought, "It must be the machete that the dog used."
    I had been set up! The policemen were at the door. I could see their red and blue lights flashing through the windows.
    I ran  down to the basement and saw George's hacked up body and started crying.
    "Poor George, nothing will ever be the same without him now.
    Life just won't be good anymore," I thought.

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Monday, 23 January 2012


click on image to enlarge

  The world is slipping into darkness while us beautiful people in western culture sleep. We are oblivious to the change that is awaiting. The black water dragon wraps its coils around us, 
yet...we float!
We may make it after all. 
It doesn't make sense for us to prevail but we have this magical ability to float.
How will it end? 
How will it end?

Friday, 20 January 2012

What about the kids?

More than 5.6 million Americans are in prison or have served time there, according to a new report by the Justice Department released Sunday. That's 1 in 37 adults living in the United States, the highest incarceration level in the world.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Twilight For Toddlers?

    Are they really targeting preschool girls for the Twilight vampire book franchise?

Monday, 16 January 2012

It's Martin Luther King Jr. day

   Martin Luther King Jr.'s words are timeless and universal. They are not just about the African American struggle but can relate to the individual as well as being influential to global policies. 
   Celebrate the day by reading one of his speeches!

click on image to enlarge

Thursday, 12 January 2012

I'm trying to learn french!

    We moved to Montreal and it's pretty darn easy to get around only knowing english but I feel like an ignoramus. Little kids will say something in french to me and I'll have to say, "I'm sorry. I'm from Vancouver and I still haven't learned french yet." Then they'll switch over to english and talk to me. It's no problem for them.
    People aren't just bilingual here either. It's really common to be multi-lingual.
    At suppertime we've resolved to only speak french. I'll learn the language yet!

The translation for the above panel in case you can't read my messy printing is:
    "I've got a first aid kit in my glove compartment."
    "It would be better to call an ambulance."

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Frosted Lucky Arms. They're tragically delicious!

    Sadly, only the North Americans will 'get' this, or is Lucky Charms in other countries?
    We, in the Em family have this habit of turning every product or store name into a parody. Perhaps I looked at too many Wacky Packages and read too many Mad and Cracked magazines in my formative years, but I never get tired of such things.
    I used to try to avoid anything that was humorous in my art because I wanted to be a 'serious' artist but I suppose I would have to become a serious person first, and I don't know if I'm up to that.

Monday, 9 January 2012

I was sketching people on the bus...

click on image to enlarge

    She's not looking out the window because it's so interesting out there. She just doesn't want to look at you, Mr. Hoody Flapped Over Your Eyes, because you're pointing your face in her direction and won't turn away. She's uncomfortable because she can't see your eyes.
    She's afraid of you. Can't you see that?
    No, I guess you can only see the inside of your hoody.
    I drop my pencil down by your feet so I could get a peek under your hoody and you look like you're in your 30s, (maybe even late 30s).
    Just think of the word, 'hoody.' It sounds like a little kid's toy. The 'y' on the end makes it sound cute and juvenile.
    You're too old for that look now.
    You just look like a rapist.

Friday, 6 January 2012

Monday, 2 January 2012

Thomas Edison: A Highly Successful Career

click to enlarge
    Thomas Edison, the great genius inventor, business entrepreneur, total egomaniacal A-hole...You can say the same for Henry Ford and Steve Jobs too. They were supposed to be A-holes. Isn't it supposed to be the exception when someone has an amazingly successful career and they're not an A-hole?
    I'm going to have to reinvent myself for success in 2012 and embrace my inner A-hole. I'll watch my meagre floor-licking career sky rocket in 2012: the last year, the year to end all years, (that is if those people that were living in that commune in California in the 1970s were right about the future of the planet).
    Success is all about confidence. That's all.
    I should get up and walk the streets like I own the city! I can be A-hole #1!
Success is 1% inspiration and 99% anal sweat! This world wouldn't even be here if I never shit it out in the first place! Anything I want is there for the grabbing!
    Unfortunately I can't.
    It conflicts with my New Year's resolution to embrace my Canadian identity more fully by apologizing to people that bump into me.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Snip snip! Happy New Year!

click to enlarge
    The calendar system the world uses in the present day began with the circumcision of baby Jesus eight days later. Did they regard circumcision so highly or was it an attempt to get they peasants back to work?
    "Alright you lazy bums, the year is over so get back to work! You had your eight days off!"
    My wife looked at the painting and asked, "why is Mary wearing a watch?"
    I answered, "Look, I just don't have the time the renaissance painters had for each painting. It took them months of dedicated work to paint those wondrous paintings and I have one or two days tops, (and that's with sleep deprivation). How am I supposed to know that Mary never had a wristwatch? Maybe she was ahead of her time?"